Thursday, September 12, 2013

Boys Will Be Boys (A Mom's Nightmare)

Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket
Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket
Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket
Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket
Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket
Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket
Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket

Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket
Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket
Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket
Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket
Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket
Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket
Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket
Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket
Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket
Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket
And you also find out interesting things when you have sons, like...

1. A king size waterbed holds enough water to fill a 2000 sq. ft. house 4 inches deep.

2. If you spray hair spray on dust bunnies and run over them with roller blades, they can ignite.

3. A 3-year old Boy's voice is louder than 200 adults in a crowded restaurant.

4. If you hook a dog leash over a ceiling fan, the motor is not strong enough to rotate a 42 pound Boy wearing Batman underwear and a Superman cape. It is strong enough, however, if tie d to a paint can, to spread paint on all four walls of a 20x20 ft. room.

5. You should not throw baseballs up when the ceiling fan is on. When using a ceiling fan as a bat, you have to throw the ball up a few times before you get a hit. A ceiling fan can hit a baseball a long way.

6. The glass in windows (even double-pane) doesn't stop a baseball hit by a ceiling fan.

7. When you hear the toilet flush and the words "uh oh", it's already too late.

8. Brake fluid mixed with Clorox makes smoke, and lots of it.

9. A six-year old Boy can start a fire with a flint rock even though a 36-year old Man says they can only do it in the movies.

10. Certain Lego's will pass through the digestive tract of a 4- year old Boy.

11. Play dough and microwave should not be used in the same sentence.

12. Super glue is forever.

13. No matter how much Jell-O you put in a swimming pool you still can't walk on water.

14. Pool filters do not like Jell-O.

15. VCR's do not eject "PB & J" sandwiches even though TV commercials show they do.

16. Garbage bags do not make good parachutes.

17. Marbles in gas tanks make lots of noise when driving.

18. You probably DO NOT want to know what that odor is.

19. Always look in the oven before you turn it on; plastic toys do not like ovens.

20. The fire department in Austin , TX has a 5-minute response time.

21. The spin cycle on the washing machine does not make earthworms dizzy.

22. It will, however, make cats dizzy.

23. Cats throw up twice their body weight when dizzy.

24. 80% of Women will pass this on to almost all of their friends, with or without kids.

25. 80% of Men who read this will try mixing the Clorox and brake fluid.

Saturday, September 7, 2013

Friday, September 6, 2013

The Elephant Story

This is an Incredible story!


Photobucket


In 1986, Peter Davies was on holiday in Kenya after graduating from Northwestern University. 

On a hike through the bush, he came across a young bull elephant standing with one leg raised in the air.
 

The elephant seemed distressed, so Peter approached it very carefully.
 

He got down on one knee, inspected the elephant's foot and found a large piece of wood deeply embedded in it.
 

As carefully and as gently as he could, Peter worked the wood out with his knife,
after which the elephant gingerly put down its foot. 

The elephant turned to face the man, and with a rather curious look on its face, stared at him for several tense moments.
 

Peter stood frozen, thinking of nothing else but being trampled.
 Eventually the elephant trumpeted loudly, turned and walked away. 

Peter never forgot that elephant or the events of that day.
 

Twenty years later, Peter was walking through the Chicago Zoo with his teenaged son. 

As they approached the elephant enclosure, one of the creatures turned and
walked over to near where Peter and his son Cameron were standing. 

The large bull elephant stared at Peter, lifted its front foot off the ground and then put it down.
 

The elephant did that several times and then trumpeted loudly, all the while staring at the man.
 

Remembering the encounter in 1986, Peter could not help wondering if this was the same elephant.
 

Peter summoned up his courage, climbed over the railing, and made his way into the enclosure.
 

He walked right up to the elephant and stared back in wonder.
 

The elephant trumpeted again, wrapped its trunk around one of Peter legs
 and slammed him against the railing, killing him instantly.
 
trampoline elephant Pictures, Images and Photos 

Probably wasn't the same elephant. 
elephant heart Pictures, Images and Photos
   This is for everyone who sends me those heart-warming sappy urban legend stories.

A Letter to the Dog...

Dear Dog,
 
I am sooooo  sorry about you being sent to the dog pound for the broken lamp which you did not break; the fish you did not spill; the carpet that you did not wet; or the wall that you did not dirty with red paint...

But things here at the house really are calmer now, and just to show you that there are no hard feelings between us, I am sending you a picture, so you will always remember me.



Best regards,
The Cat

Thursday, September 5, 2013

Bumper Stickers

IF YOU CAN'T FEED EM, DON'T BREED EM!
~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~ 
Constipated People Don't Give A Crap. 
~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~ 
If You Can Read This, I've Lost My Trailer. 
~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~ 
Horn Broken... Watch For Finger. 
~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~ 
The Earth Is Full - Go Home. 
~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~ 
I Have The Body Of A God - Buddha. 
~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~ 
So Many Pedestrians - So Little Time. 
~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~ 
Cleverly Disguised As A Responsible Adult. 
~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~ 
If We Quit Voting, Will They All Go Away? 
~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~ 
Eat Right, Exercise, Die Anyway. 
~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~ 
Illiterate? Write For Help. 
~~ ~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~ 
Honk If Anything Falls Off. 
~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~ 
Cover Me, I'm Changing Lanes. 
~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~ 
He Who Hesitates Not Only Is Lost, 
But is Miles From The Next Exit. 
~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~ 
I Refuse To Have A Battle Of Wits 
With An Unarmed Person. 
~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~ 
You! Out Of The Gene Pool - Now! 
~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~ 
I Do Whatever My Rice Krispies Tell Me To. 
~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~ 
Fight Crime: Shoot Back! 
~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~ 
(Seen Upside Down On A Jeep) 
If You Can Read This, Please Flip Me Back Over... 
~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~ 
Stop Lights Timed For 35 mph
Also Are Timed For 70 mph
~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~ 
Guys: No Shirt, No Service
Gals: No Shirt, No Charge 
~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~ 
If Walking Is So Good For You, Then Why Does 
My Mailman Look Like Jabba The Hut? 
~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~ 
Ax Me About Ebonics. 
~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~ 
Body By Nautilus; Brain By Mattel. 
~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~ 
Boldly Going Nowhere. 
~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~ 
Caution - Driver Legally Blonde. 
~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~ 
Heart Attacks:  God's Revenge
For Eating His Animal Friends 
~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~ 
Honk If You've Never Seen 
An Uzi Fired >From A Car Window. 
~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~ 
How Many Roads Must A Man Travel Down 
Before He Admits He is Lost? 
~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ 
GROW YOUR OWN DOPE --- PLANT A MAN. 
~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ 
All Men Are Animals; Some Just Make Better Pets.  
~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~  
AND Finally 



 
"POLITICIANS & DIAPERS BOTH NEED 
TO BE CHANGED OFTEN, AND FOR THE SAME REASON"

The Secret to Getting Rich


 
A young man asked an old rich man how he made his money.
The old guy fingered his worsted wool vest and said, "Well, son, it was 1932. The depth of the Great Depression. I was down to my last nickel.
"I invested that nickel in an apple. I spent the entire day polishing the apple and, at the end of the day, I sold the apple for ten cents.
"The next morning, I invested those ten cents in two apples. I spent the entire day polishing them and sold them at 5:00 pm for 20 cents. I continued this system for a month, by the end of which I'd accumulated a fortune of $1.37.
"Then my wife's father died and left us two million dollars."

Cats Rule!