Monday, November 25, 2013

Thanksgiving Day Forecast

Turkeys will thaw in the morning, then near 190F. The
kitchen will turn hot and humid, and if you bother the
cook, be ready for a severe squall or cold shoulder.
During the late afternoon and evening, the cold front of a knife will
slice through the turkey, causing an accumulation of one to two inches
on plates. Mashed potatoes will drift across one side while cranberry
sauce creates slippery spots on the other. Please pass the gravy. A
weight watch and indigestion warning have been issued for the entire
area, with increased stuffiness around the beltway. During the
evening, the turkey will diminish and taper off to leftovers,
dropping to a low of 34F in the refrigerator.
Looking ahead to Friday and Saturday, high
pressure to eat sandwiches will be established.
Flurries of leftovers can be expected both
days with a 50 percent chance of scattered
soup late in the day. We expect a warming
trend where soup develops. By early next
week, eating pressure will be low as the
only wish left will be the bone.

Saturday, November 23, 2013

Thanksgiving Jokes

  A barrel of laughs! 


When did the Pilgrims first say "God bless America?"
The first time they heard America sneeze!
What are unhappy cranberries called?Blueberries!
What's blue and covered with feathers?A turkey holding its breath!
What's the key to a good Thanksgiving dinner?The turKEY!
If April showers bring May flowers, what do May flowers bring?Pilgrims!
What do you get when you cross a turkey with a centipede?Lots of drumsticks!
What would you call a pet squash?Call it anything you want- it won't hear you!
What did the farmer say to the green pumpkin?Why orange you orange?
Why did the turkey cross the road?It was the chicken's day off!
When the Pilgrims landed, where did they stand?On their feet!
Why didn't the turkey eat dessert?He was stuffed!

What cat discovered America?Christofurry Columbus!
What's the best thing to put into a pumpkin pie?Your teeth!
Why did they let the turkey join the band?He had the drumsticks!
What would you get if you crossed a turkey with an octopus?Eight feather dusters!
What kind of vegetables would you like for Thanksgiving dinner?Beets me!
What's round, red, and wears a diaper?A baby cranberry! 
What smells the best at a Thanksgiving dinner?Your nose!
Why did the turkey sit on the tomahawk?To hatchet.
Why did the Pilgrim eat a candle?He wanted a light snack!
What kind of music did the Pilgrims listen to?Plymouth Rock!
Why do Turkeys gobble, gobble?They never learned good table manners!

Saturday, November 9, 2013