Monday, December 1, 2014

Gentle Thoughts For Today

Gentle Thoughts For Today.
 Birds of a feather flock together and poop on your car. 
 
 
When I'm feeling down, I like to whistle. It makes the neighbor's dog run to the end of his chain and choke himself. 
 
The older you get, the tougher it is to lose weight, because by then your body and your fat have gotten to be really good friends.
The easiest way to find something lost around the house is to buy a replacement.
He who hesitates is probably right.
Did you ever notice: The Roman Numerals for forty (40) are 'XL.'
The sole purpose of a child's middle name is so he can tell when he's really in trouble.
There's always a lot to be thankful for if you take time to look for it. For example I am sitting here thinking how nice it is that wrinkles don't hurt. 

 
Did you ever notice:  When you put the 2 words 'The' and 'IRS' together it spells 'Theirs.' 
 
 Aging: Eventually you will reach a point when you stop lying about your age and start bragging about it.
The older we get, the fewer things seem worth waiting in line for.
Some people try to turn back their odometers. Not me, I want people to know 'why' I look this way. I've traveled a long way and some of the roads weren't paved. 
 
When you are dissatisfied and would like to go back to youth, think of algebra.
 You know you are getting old when everything either dries up or leaks.
One of the many things no one tells you about aging is that it is such a nice change from being young.
Ah, being young is beautiful, but being old is comfortable. First you forget names, then you forget faces. Then you forget to pull up your zipper.  It's worse when you forget to pull it down.
Long ago when people cursed and beat the ground with sticks, it was called witchcraft.  Today, it's called golf. 
 
 Dream like you'll live forever.  Live like you'll die today.

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